The 2-Hour Zombie Machete
The question: Say the Zombie Apocalypse began right now and the world was in desperate need of a lot of zombie killing machetes, fast. How quickly could Zombie Tools fashion an effective blade?
The answer: Two hours, start to finish. And the end product is this ugly, but effective, little girl. We didn’t grind out the blade surface (the most time- and energy-intensive part of blade-making) so she’s chunky and a little slow, and we cut out all the steps that make our regular blades pretty, so she ain’t much of a looker (although she’s not completely without her charms, no?), but dammit if she don’t pack a wallop that, as we say, would kill some bitches*.
If anyone out there has interest in a cheaper, rougher, yet still effective zombie-killing machete, let us know. We could work on a slightly tighter version of this blade that would sell in the $100 range.
* and by “bitches”, we mean zombies.
Posted by Zombie Tools on Feb 9 2009 |
26 comments
Comments
On 2-11-09, iLL Omen said....
I love it. Brutal, effective and to the point. No body is going to take away style points for eviscerating a zombie if the blade is unpolished. I will take two - one for each hand!
I love it. Brutal, effective and to the point. No body is going to take away style points for eviscerating a zombie if the blade is unpolished. I will take two - one for each hand!
On 2-11-09, Zombie Tools said....
Thanks for the feedback, Ill Omen.
Thanks for the feedback, Ill Omen.
On 2-18-09, Ben said....
i think its pretty tight and wouldnt mind using it when shit and shit rolls about
i think its pretty tight and wouldnt mind using it when shit and shit rolls about
On 2-18-09, Zombie Tools said....
Thanks, Ben. Between your two votes, and the fact that we sold this blade at the RadCon convention last weekend, I think we'll be firing up the forge and making a few more of these girls.
Thanks, Ben. Between your two votes, and the fact that we sold this blade at the RadCon convention last weekend, I think we'll be firing up the forge and making a few more of these girls.
On 2-18-09, Bear said....
Gorgeous! I could definitely go for one those. Way more in my price range. I can't wait to see this added to your catalog.
Gorgeous! I could definitely go for one those. Way more in my price range. I can't wait to see this added to your catalog.
On 2-19-09, Warren said....
Thats a sick machete, I really like the gritty "I just made this in my garage" look
Thats a sick machete, I really like the gritty "I just made this in my garage" look
On 2-23-09, ScottieC said....
Hold on, when you say RadCon, where was that at? Cause I might be pissed if you came to the Tri-Cities, WA and I missed you guys there.
Hold on, when you say RadCon, where was that at? Cause I might be pissed if you came to the Tri-Cities, WA and I missed you guys there.
On 2-24-09, Kaitos said....
i'll buy her any price you say ifact i could use two incase i have to lend one for a quick kill
i'll buy her any price you say ifact i could use two incase i have to lend one for a quick kill
On 2-25-09, Darren said....
So it is 100$? maybe you guys can make an even more affordable one (if you can) but if not. ill save up for this.
So it is 100$? maybe you guys can make an even more affordable one (if you can) but if not. ill save up for this.
On 2-25-09, Darren said....
I forgot to ask. how long will this be and will it come with a sheath? can the blade and sheath fit inside and ordinary school backpack? you know in case there is a danger in school and kids have nothing to defend themselves with cause their machete would be at their homes.
I forgot to ask. how long will this be and will it come with a sheath? can the blade and sheath fit inside and ordinary school backpack? you know in case there is a danger in school and kids have nothing to defend themselves with cause their machete would be at their homes.
On 2-25-09, Darren said....
sorry to annoy you but will there be any chance of a portable machete that folds up like a pocket knife so it can fit in many places.
sorry to annoy you but will there be any chance of a portable machete that folds up like a pocket knife so it can fit in many places.
On 2-27-09, The Boojum said....
Screw tighter, heavy and brutal is just my style. How much for a nasty one just like that?
Screw tighter, heavy and brutal is just my style. How much for a nasty one just like that?
On 3-01-09, Hal Jordan said....
Awesome! If it was in that price range, I'd totally get one. How soon with they be available...any ideas? Will it have a sheath as well? Keep up the great work!
Awesome! If it was in that price range, I'd totally get one. How soon with they be available...any ideas? Will it have a sheath as well? Keep up the great work!
On 3-01-09, maxon said....
We will have these up for sale in about three weeks
not sure about a sheath, we will get it figured out
-thanks for your interest -maxon
We will have these up for sale in about three weeks
not sure about a sheath, we will get it figured out
-thanks for your interest -maxon
On 3-03-09, pat said....
"Hi there mr.zombie dont you think my weapon is pretty?" That is not likely to be the way it goes down.
"Hi there mr.zombie dont you think my weapon is pretty?" That is not likely to be the way it goes down.
On 3-05-09, Bear said....
See, I think that the "ugliness" of this baby makes in my favorite. It is undeniably a killin' machine. Cold, hard, and merciless, with a style all its own. Just like any red-blooded American serial-killer.
My tax return is on its way! Goddamn, when can I owns it?!
See, I think that the "ugliness" of this baby makes in my favorite. It is undeniably a killin' machine. Cold, hard, and merciless, with a style all its own. Just like any red-blooded American serial-killer.
My tax return is on its way! Goddamn, when can I owns it?!
On 3-06-09, Phenso said....
You are saving the world. Thank you. I love what you guys are doing.
You are saving the world. Thank you. I love what you guys are doing.
On 3-16-09, Z.Slayer said....
nice!
nice!
On 7-23-09, i own a real machete said....
buy a REAL machete, they are cheaper and last longer than 2 hours XD i used my martindale golok today to stay out of a lightning storm shit was so cash
buy a REAL machete, they are cheaper and last longer than 2 hours XD i used my martindale golok today to stay out of a lightning storm shit was so cash
On 7-23-09, Bear said....
What? Did you really come here to trash these works of art? Sure, you can get a machete for 20 bucks at the hardware store. Obviously that's not the point here, dipshit.
What? Did you really come here to trash these works of art? Sure, you can get a machete for 20 bucks at the hardware store. Obviously that's not the point here, dipshit.
On 8-18-09, Anthony said....
Actually, you can buy a good, sturdy machete that'll last for years for $6.88. Yes, machete's are cheap, and yes the cheap ones'll last just as long as the expensive ones, but I personally like to keep my generic tools separate from my weapons.
Actually, you can buy a good, sturdy machete that'll last for years for $6.88. Yes, machete's are cheap, and yes the cheap ones'll last just as long as the expensive ones, but I personally like to keep my generic tools separate from my weapons.
On 8-19-09, Bear said....
Any ETA on buying this beaut, gents?
Any ETA on buying this beaut, gents?
On 12-14-09, Peter said....
Yo what are the dimensions of this baby going to be? If you could make the blade about 18" or longer that would be awesome. Please come out with this sweet machete soon.
Yo what are the dimensions of this baby going to be? If you could make the blade about 18" or longer that would be awesome. Please come out with this sweet machete soon.
On 2-06-10, Brandon said....
Please do this. Please.
Please do this. Please.
On 4-30-10, KC said....
Are these available yet? I need one in my life.
Are these available yet? I need one in my life.
On 1-09-12, Lance said....
i own a real machete - this doesn't LAST 2 hours, it takes 2 hours TO MAKE, you mong.
i own a real machete - this doesn't LAST 2 hours, it takes 2 hours TO MAKE, you mong.
