The Tooth
Ripped from the gaping maw of the Maker, the Tooth is a close-quarters combat knife with a big bite. The 7-inch blade is flat ground for a sharp, slashing edge, while the pointed tip is left with a little meat for puncturing power. When equipped with an optional handguard, the Tooth bears a resemblance to the trench knife, the brutal piercing tool popular in the trenches of the first World War. It’s just the thing you need for popping the nut of any bitch* that gets in your face. Keep the Tooth close, with the Kydex sheath on your belt or strapped to your tactical vest, and have no fear. For fear is the mind killer.
The Tooth is a full tang blade made from 5160 spring steel. The pinned aluminum slab handle is wrapped in leather for comfort and a low-slip grip.
(*and by “bitch,” we mean “zombie”. Or cannibal.)
Total Length 12.5in (32cm) Blade/Handle Length 7in/5in (18cm/13cm) Grip Length 3.75in/(9.5cm)
Steel Width 0.204in (.52cm) Weight 1lb (.45kg)
Backwoods Bone Machete
When your gated community is no longer a refuge and your placid suburban cul-de-sac is nothing but a dead end, it’s time to hitch up the Subaru wagon and head for the hills.
Everyone knows that outdoor adventures can be so much more pleasant when you’re packing the proper gear. For your new life of back-to-the-land living, we recommend the Backwoods Bone Machete. With a blade profile similar to that of the classic agricultural machete, and the heft and security of properly tempered 5160 spring steel, the Backwoods Bone Machete is one of our most versatile tools. Chop the kindling for the evening fire. Dig furrows for your new potato garden. Clear the kudzu from the abandoned mountain shack that is your new pleasure dome. And, yes, kill. Zombies.
The Backwoods Bone Machete has a rough, hammered finish above a flat-ground bevel and a full tang handle wrapped in quality leather. It comes with Kydex sheath and is prepared to receive an optional handguard for a little extra punch and protection.
Total Length 24in (61cm) Blade/Handle Length 16in/8in (41cm/2cm) Grip Length 4in/(10cm)
Steel Width 0.204in (.52cm) Weight 2.33lbs (1.05kg)
Urban Bone Machete 2011
In a time of trouble. In a time of strife. Only the prepared can save their asses and still have time to boogie.
The latest version of our Urban Bone Machete is designed for those unfortunates trapped in a high density urban area where the bitches will be thick and the quarters will be tight. (The upside—the booze will be plentiful). At 25 inches of total length, and 17 inches of carbon steel edge, she’s the size you need to do the job, whether you’re clearing the aisles of corner store trash on your way to the last Slim Jim, or putting down reanimated hipsters on your way to happy hour at the bar. The UBMs lean profile keeps her weight down for a speedy tip return and ensures that after a long day of bitch slapping in the concrete jungle you’ll both look and feel fantastic at the after-party.
The UBM is made from oil-quenched and kiln-tempered 5160 spring steel, has a leather-wrapped aluminum slab handle, comes with Kydex sheath, and can be fitted with an optional hand guard that will protect your hand while you do damage to the dentistry of any bitch with the urge to bite.
Total Length 25in (64cm) Blade/Handle Length 17in/8in (43cm/20cm) Grip Length 4in/(10cm)
Steel Width 0.204in (.52cm) Weight 2.25lbs (1.02kg)
The Phalanx
When the filthy hordes are moving in on the home compound, there’s no time to fuck around. You need the speed, precision, and decisive power of the ZT Phalanx in the mitts of a disciplined band of thugs. The Phalanx evolved from our Urban Bone Machete line, but it is no machete—it’s a full-on short sword with a weighted tip that will slash like there’s no tomorrow. Although a beefy 2.5 lbs, she’s got remarkable balance and a comfortable handle that make her feel like a much lighter sword.
The Phalanx is a full-tang blade made of 5160 spring steel, hardened and tempered to 450 degrees. Handle is made from aircraft grade aluminum. Comes with a black Kydex sheath with eyelets, allowing you to design a personal paracord strapping system that suits your needs.
Total Length 29 in (.74m) Blade/Handle Length 23in/6in (.58m/.15m) Steel Width .204in
Weight 2lbs 8oz (1.1kg)
ZT Spike
It may take some skill to kill a bitch* with the new ZT Spike, but it’s an easy way to kill an afternoon. A set of these hefty 8-inch chunks of steel, a good target, your band of brethren, and a bunch of beer** are a much more effective and entertaining way to prepare for the apocalypse than getting stoned and playing video games, again.
But the ZT Spike is more than just a throwing weapon with the kind of nut busting heft you’ve come to expect from the psychopaths at ZT Labs. Throw 15 feet of knotted paracord through the ass-end hole of the Spike and you’ve got a rope dart. It’s also a tent spike, a meat spit, a field manicuring tool, an emergency tracheotomizer, and, until the apocalypse comes, it can sit on your desk and open THE FUCK out of your postal correspondence and provide a lovely welcoming gift to any unwanted intruders in your abode.
(* and by ‘bitch’ we mean ‘zombie’.)
(** and by ‘beer’ we mean PBR. Unless Hamm’s is on sale.)
Length 8in (.20m) Weight .33lbs(.15kg)
The Squid Ax
The origins of the Squid Ax are unclear, although scholars believe it likely that the Squid bubbled up from the ocean depths, the nocturnal emissions of the Kraken.
The intentions of the Squid Ax are clearer: when grasped in the hand, the Squid Ax transforms your naked monkey mitt into a fist full of fuck-yeah.
True, the Squid Ax would not be the ideal first choice for taking on Zak, but those who are only prepared for Zak come Z-Day are likely to be in for many unwelcome surprises: neo-Nazi cannibals, for instance, or a later-day form of Mormon (the largest and best prepared apocalyptic organization on the planet) who may no longer meekly accept a door slammed in his face. Whomever be the foe, the Squid Ax will certainly improve your chances in any close-quarters fisticuffs, in addition to performing more prosaic tasks like skinning an animal, cutting rope, or divvying up 5 pound blocks of scavenged government cheese.
The Squid is cut from 1/4-inch 5160 spring steel and sports a 4-inch ax-edge blade that is hardened and tempered like all ZT steel. A paracord wrap pads the hand for both a forward and a reverse hold on the 3.25 inch grip, which is a perfect size for the average large man hands. Comes with black Kydex blade cover.
Total Length 7.25 in (0.18m) Blade/Handle Length 4in/3.25in (.1m/.08m) Steel Width .25in Weight 0.6lbs(.27kg)
Urban Bone Machete
In the end, the Zombie Tools Urban Bone Machete may be your only friend.
At 23” and 2lbs, she’s short enough to wield in tight quarters and light enough to strap to your bug-out bag, yet her extra tip weight lends enough momentum to easily cleave a spinal column. Or 50.
The Urban Bone Machete blade is cut from 5160 spring steel, the handle is grinder-sculpted from T6 aluminum, and the entire pin-joined unit is etched in acid, just for kicks. The blade is heat-treated for hardness, tempered for flexibility, and sharpened like there’s no tomorrow.
Total Length 23in (.58m) Blade/Handle Length 17in/6in (.43m/.15m) Weight 2lbs (.9k)
Rough and Ready Bone Machete
Times are tough. But they will get tougher.
In response to the economic clusterfuck and dancing in time to the Apocalyptic beat, Zombie Tools introduces the Rough and Ready Bone Machete, the economy model of our popular Urban Bone Machete line. We’ve cut down on the time-consuming steps that make our blades pretty in order to make a blade that’s more affordable yet no less savagely brutal.
The Rough and Ready is cut from 5160 spring steel, forged into shape, hammer-textured, heat-treated and sharpened. With less grinding on the blade, the Rough and Ready is a bit heavier than our other models, which makes her capable of some serious cleavage. The blunt force trauma alone would set Zack on his ass. The sharpened edge would seal his deal.
The Rough and Ready comes with a black Kydex sheath.
Total Length 23in (.58m) Blade/Handle Length 17in/6in (.43m/.15m) Weight 2.25lbs (1.02kg)
Urban Bone Machete, Mark III
The journey to perfection for the Urban Bone Machete is one huge step closer with the addition of the Mark III. Just hold this girl and you can hear her whisper a bloody longing for carnage. The handle will protect your digits if you feel the need to brutally punch a bitch’s* skull to a slimy pulp. A slightly longer blade combined with a curved tip make for an unprecedented level of cutting power.
The Urban Bone Machete Mark III is a full-tang blade of 5160 spring steel with a hand-sculpted T6 aluminum handle. Comes with black Kydex sheath.
(* and by ‘bitch’, we mean ‘zombie’.)
Total Length 25in (.64m) Blade/Handle Length 18.5in/6.5in (.47m/.17m) Weight 2.5lbs (1.13kg)
The Para Bellum
This girl is the fastest and lightest ZT blade yet. Designed to be strapped to the thigh, it is a blade that can be worn at all times and still be comfortable. A recent visitor to the shop nailed it when he said it was long enough to keep bitches* at a distance and light enough to never slow you down. 18 inches overall, 12 inches of blade length and sharp enough to shave your mom. Deadly when used in pairs or as an effective offhand blade to back up a sidearm, the Para Bellum is ideal.
Total Length 18 in (.46m) Blade/Handle Length 12in/6in (.30m/.15m) Weight 1.6lbs(.7kg)
The Zack Ax
Whether in a backalley of a burnt-out burb or the backwaters of BFE, the ZT Zack Ax will be a handy little girl to have by your side. With her curved forward edge and a hefty blade, she’s perfect little hand ax for chopping wood for the fire and, of course, separating Zack’s vertebra should you be forced into a close quarters confrontation. The handle design adds protection for the hand and is ergonomically designed to help you keep a grip on your shit when it all hits the fan.
Like all our Tools, the Zack Ax is a full-tang blade of 5160 spring steel, hardened, tempered, and sharpened. The handle is sculpted from T6 aluminum. The Zack Ax comes with a black Kydex sheath.
Total Length 14.5in (.36m) Blade/Handle Length 8.5in/6in (.22m/.15m) Weight 1.75lbs (.79kg)
The Harvester
The 31” blade of this beast will clear a field of zombies in record time. Made with 5160 spring steel and an all steel cut out handle she is the perfect blade for the professional zombie killer.Like a giant razor blade being scraped across the face of the earth come time for the Apocalypse your fields will be clear, though we don’t recommend zombie flesh as fertilizer.
All blades come with a black kydex sheath.
Total Length 46 in (1.1684m) Blade/Handle Length 31in/15in (.79m/.38m) Steel Width .25in
Weight 4lbs(1.82kg)
Two-Handed Apocalax
For fighting larger-scale zombie outbreaks in the open field, there is no finer tool than the Zombie Tools Two-handed Apocalax. The extra double-fisted heft of this girl gives her devastating striking power, while a carefully tapered blade reduces tip weight for a speedy return—just the action you need for dispatching a horde of undead bitches* under pressing time constraints. Like all Zombie Tools blades, the Apocalax is cut from 5160 spring steel, hardened, tempered, and expertly sharpened. The 14-inch handle is hand-sculpted from T6 aluminum and lightly textured in a ferric chloride acid bath for a textured grip and bonus style points. Why merely survive the Apocalypse when you can thrive?
(* and by ‘bitch’, we mean ‘zombie’.)
Total Length 39in (.99m) Blade/Handle Length 25in/14in (.64m/.35m) Weight 3.75lbs (1.7k)
You must be 18 or older to buy a blade. By ordering a blade, you are affirming under penalty of perjury that you are at least 18 years old and can provide photo identification upon request.
